Perinatal Loss Grief: What It Really Feels Like and How I Carry It Forward
February 21 is my daughter’s birthday and March 18 is Trisomy 18 Awareness Day, and as an infant loss mom, I’ve learned that grief doesn’t follow a timeline or slowly fade, it shifts, deepens, and resurfaces in ways that can feel both familiar and unexpected.
At Say It Mental Health, I work with high-achieving women navigating anxiety, burnout, and grief, and I see how often loss gets internalized as something you should be “handling better” by now, especially when you’re used to being the one who keeps it together.
Perinatal/Infant loss grief doesn’t work like that. It shows up in your body, in your thoughts, in the way certain dates carry weight, and in the quiet moments where love still feels very present but has nowhere physical to land. For me, the anniversary of my daughter’s birthday isn’t something I try to push through, it’s something I intentionally make space for by slowing down my schedule, creating small rituals like eating my favorite treat, planning a special dinner, and allowing whatever emotions come up without trying to manage them into something more comfortable. I have learned to lead my grief and now let my grief lead me.
One of the biggest shifts in my own healing, and in the therapy work I do with women in Nevada and Montana, has been learning that tending to grief actually supports emotional regulation, rather than avoiding it. When you acknowledge what’s coming up, whether that’s sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of peace, it often feels less overwhelming than trying to outthink it. I also think a lot about how I want to show up in my life for her because she existed. I am not showing up in a pressure-filled way, but in a grounded, intentional way where I prioritize what matters, set clearer boundaries, and allow myself to live fully without feeling like I’m leaving her behind.
Perinatal/Infant loss becomes part of your story, and while it changes you, it can also deepen the way you connect, love, and move through the world. If you’re navigating grief after losing a baby, especially around anniversaries or milestones, you’re not doing it wrong, and you don’t have to rush your healing. I see you.
